


Feel The Way I Want

by Coldstarlights



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Gay, gay girls, girls girls girls, i love women, thats all you need to know, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25471279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coldstarlights/pseuds/Coldstarlights
Summary: Yerim is starting a new life and is going her own way in the city of L.A. but Yerim’s past doesn’t exactly have a way of staying in the past. Will she be able to escape from it? Join her as she starts to question and find who she is and even make some new friends along the way.
Relationships: Girls - Relationship, wlw - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. A brand new start

**Author's Note:**

> Just Yerim adjusting to life yknow  
> my writing is shitty I haven’t wrote in awhile so no being too mean 😔 hehe anyways hope you enjoy this

The days since Yerim left for college seemed to pass by slowly, always dreary and dark. She was on her own for the most part ever since she left for school her family was back home and here she was in L.A. starting college. It was a fresh start she didn't know anybody but she was determined to make it through and possibly make some new friends. But there was someone still in her head who wouldn't leave her alone. Someone Yerim can't seem to forget. The person who holds her heart and always will.

Day 1 of college:  
The time was passing by quickly for Yerim which was surprising she didn't think it will go by so fast and finally she was at her last class. Philosophy 101 with Dr. Garcia. ”I hope this class isn't too bad” yerim mumbles to herself as she struggles to open the door to the classroom. Her eyes quickly scanning everyone in the classroom spotting no one who caught her eye. Until she made eye contact with a brunette who seemed a bit too scary for her own good but quickly smiled at Yerim as to reassure her that she isn't scary at all. It eased Yerim as she returns the soft delicate smile that graced her face. One by one people quickly entered the classroom and yerim feeling out of place and uncomfortable decided to pretend to text on her phone. Dr. Garcia introduces herself to the class as well as her expectations when yerim notices the brunette who smiled at her earlier sitting at the front of the class she realized that it was the teacher's assistant. The brunette steps towards the front of the class introducing herself as Jung Jinsol. Her voice is soft and soothing reminding Yerim of her mother's voice as she suddenly feels a pang to her heart as she realizes how much she misses her mother. Ignoring the pain in her heart Yerim decides to pay attention closely to try and distract herself. ”I’m sorry everyone but there's been an emergency I'm going to have to leave early. Jinsol will be taking over for the remainder of the time I’ll see you all next week!” Dr. Garcia rushes the words out as she quickly packs up her belongings. Jinsol doesn't seem fazed at all and rolls her eyes as the door shuts. Which causes a girl sitting two seats away from her to snicker. Jinsol states at the girl and rolls her eyes. ”well there isn't much to go over so I'll make this quick, the person on your right will be your partner for the rest of the semester so make sure to introduce yourself and get their number, trust me you'll need it if you want to pass this class” yerim realizes that no one else is sitting in her row but the short blonde girl whose sporting beige pants, a white shirt, and a gold chain with a cross on it. She's very tiny and could probably fit in her pocket but still, yerim fits intimated by the smaller girl suddenly feeling small and nervous to speak. She hides in her oversized hoodie hoping to avoid talking to her. Suddenly yerim hears a deep voice and it shocks her to hear someone so tiny having such a deep voice. ”hey sunshine, are you going to hide from me? Or do I need to go to you?” yerim nods her head to signal to the young girl that she wasn't hiding and builds up the courage to sit next to the small girl. ”Thanks for coming over here I didn't feel like walking. This campus is so fucking huge and yet they expect me to get from one building to the other. Fucking assholes you know anyways enough of that I'm Yeojin and I am a first-year also my sister goes here but we don't talk about her cause she's way too embarrassing. so that's all you really need to know. If I say anything else about myself legally you have to pay me or else I'll be in contact with my lawyer.” Yerim giggles as she takes in the last part and feels heat creeping up on her face and she’s not sure why but she plays it off as she fans her face. ”hi yeojin, my name is yerim and I'm a first-year too It's very nice to meet you. I just moved to LA and I'm trying to adjust.” yerim isn't sure why she doesn't feel anxious speaking like she usually does instead she felt at ease which was rare for someone like her. ”shit you just moved here and you're all by yourself? Consider yourself my protege because you're hanging out with me and I'm making sure you're taken care of and you don't turn out like one of those lame-ass students here.” yerim nods along as a smile creeps up on her face finally excited that she was able to make a friend. They exchange numbers and say their goodbyes as Yerim leaves the classroom feeling content that today wasn’t totally bad. The shorter girl stays behind and waits for the whole class to leave. “Jinsol can you drop me off at my apartment if you’re heading that way to go see your girlfriend.” Yeojin gags at the thought of seeing them being affectionate which cause Jinsol to laugh and she ruffles yeojins hair as they leave the classroom together.


	2. I hope we can be friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yerim meets all of yeojins friends and learns more about the people around her. But not everyone seems to be too fond of Yerim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey here’s chapter 2 I’ve been writing more and the only thing that kills me is editing like I wish I could write and not have to edit 😔 but anyways enjoy this chapter and have fun reading you’ll get to meet so new people :))

Yerim felt a knot growing inside her stomach as Yeojin lead her towards the schools cafeteria. Promising Yerim that if she even wanted to had fun she would have to meet her friends. It was hard because Yerim didn’t even feel like she was good at talking with others. She couldn’t remember the last friend she had that treated her well and didn’t make her feel like shit. She can only hope that this turns out okay. The two girls walk into the cafeteria as she notices a blonde girl waving Yeojin down. Yeojin grabs yerims hand unexpectedly and Yerim feels a blush creeping on her face. The girls arrive to the table and Yerim scans the girls there. Seeing two brunettes one with triangular shaped lips dressed in black who just stares at Yerim and makes Yerim feel small and wanting to hide, the other with a smile on her face upon seeing Yerim, a red haired girl whose expression is blank as if she’s not impressed and continues eating her cupcake, and finally a blonde girl who sitting next to the scary girl dressed in black who raises her eyebrows up at her. “Everyone this is Yerim, be nice and also she’s now my protege and our new friend.” The group bursts out in laughter as they start to tease Yeojin. “I’m so sorry you had to meet Yeojin” the blonde girl giggles as she looks at Yerim. Yerim gives a small smile. “Yerim this is Chaewon she’s so funny” she rolls her eyes at Chaewon constant teasing but smiles at it. “Next to her is her girlfriend Hyejoo but since you’re new you have to call her Olivia it’s her dumbass rule but if I’m being honest call her Hyejoo it’s funny to piss her off.” Hyejoo glares at Yeojin which quickly makes yeojin change the subject. “Now these two nerds here are Heejin and Hyunjin, they’re not a couple but they sure act like it. It’s a classic will they or won’t they?” The two girls are both blushing as they throw some French fries at Yeojin scolding her. “Well enough standing there sit down so we can get to know you Yerim.” Hyejoo speaks up which scares Yerim but she takes a seat anyways. “Hi everyone thank you for letting me sit with you. I’m Yerim uhm obviously sorry, this is my first year and I just moved here I came away from home so it’s just been me on my own.” Her voice is small and quiet like if Yerim is unsure of herself. The girls seemed to all share a small look of pity on their face as they realized Yerim is all alone but it quickly fades as Gowon starts to change the subject explaining to Yerim that her and Hyejoo are second years and Heejin and Hyunjin are third years. They all fall into conversation and eventually Yerim feels more comfortable and at ease throughout the hour. They all get along well and somehow Yerim feels like she can fit in well with them. She learns by the end of the hour that chaewon’s best friend Jinsol, goes here and was the same Jinsol who was the teachers assistant. She also learns that Olivia’s cousin Sooyoung is a model and is dating Jinsol. Which is disgusting according to the both of them as they both gagged at the same time which made Yerim giggle as she could of swore she saw a smile on Olivia’s face. So far Yerim found out that Yeojin had an older sister named Haseul and was dating a girl named Vivi but yeojin opted not to talk about them. Which was weird to Yerim about how quickly she changed the subject. But it didn’t seem to faze anyone else. The day finally came to an end as the girl all exchanged numbers with Yerim and to her surprise they added her to their group chat. Yerim finds herself smiling softly as she walks back to her apartment realizing that she made friends and she might just be okay after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you all like this chapter 😳 all I’ve been listening to is SZA and Can I just say this whole fic is heavily inspired by the whole album Ctrl and best album might I add anyways don’t forget to leave comments and kudos please alright stay safe and stay home alright!!! Wear your mask and wash your hands!!!!


	3. I was all over her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yerim and Yeojin finally hang out outside of school by themselves. Will it all go well or will new secrets be uncovered?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe there’s yearning in this chapter god I’m so sad right now and I might cry bc of this chapter

3 weeks later   
Classes were going good and Yerim found herself hanging out with Yeojin a lot. They practically did everything together and yet Yerim found herself wanting more. She lays on her bed bored from studying all day when suddenly she hears a ding on her phone which makes her heart skip a beat. Hoping it was from someone that she’s been waiting to hear from. 

Yeojin: hey sunshine are you up for a movie and getting some food after? 

Yerim feels a blush creep on her face at the nickname Yeojin had given her. 

Yerim: sure what time are you picking me up? 

Yeojin: be ready by 6 

Yerim: okay :D

Yerim suddenly feels nervous realizing this would be the first time hanging out just them outside of campus. She wonders what she should wear and contemplates as she applies her makeup and fixes her hair deciding to make it straight. She decides on some jeans with a white long sleeve and her white converses. As she’s checking her outfit in the mirror and smoothing it out she suddenly hears a knock on her door and rushes to the door a huge smile placed on her face as Yeojin greets her with “hey sunshine” and Yerim can’t help but wrap her in a warm hug. Yeojin giggles as she rushes Yerim out the door so they won’t be late to the movies. They arrive at the theaters as Yeojin pays for everything despite Yerim's protest of letting her pay for something. But Yeojin brushes it off saying she doesn’t mind at all. As the movie plays Yerim can’t help but notice how close their hands are to each other. Something inside her aches to grab yeojins hand and just see if it will fit perfectly in her own. But the thought of Yerim grabbing her hand makes her sick. Especially another girl and Yerim isn’t like that. She shakes her head as to try and get rid of the thought as she decides to move her own hand into her lap while burying the feeling she had deep inside of her. Choosing to focus on the screen in front of her. The movie ends and the two girls find themself at a diner close by eager to eat. The diner was small and quiet. Which was perfect for the two girls as they sat and ordered waiting on their food. Yerim was glad that being with yeojin wasn’t awkward that she was able to joke and tell Yeojin stories from when she was a kid and her love for cooking. The conversations never felt dull or boring they felt easy and comfortable as if they’ve been friends for years. Like if they were connected somehow but neither girl will admit to having that connection. Yerim was just surprised that someone she just met was able to get her to feel comfortable and not feel anxious for once. It seemed like every time there was something about the whole environment that changed. Like if there were the only two people in the room. Jokes and stories were told by both girls as they ate their food. Yerim was showing Yeojin a love & hip Atlanta clip where Mimi finally decides to move out of Stevie J house and has a house warming party. When suddenly her phone vibrates   
New message:   
Caleb: Baby I miss you, call me when you can. Your man misses you.   
Yeojin cringes seeing that your man misses you and something inside her makes her feel angry and upset. She isn’t sure why but she suddenly wants to get up and leave. But she represses the urge and whispers a soft “oh is that your boyfriend?” Yerim could have sworn she saw a look of disappointment and sadness on yeojins face. Before she can say anything Yeojin speaks again “ WAIT? ARE YOU STRAIGHT?” She yells while gagging on purpose which makes Yerim giggle. The giggles don’t last long and suddenly there’s an uneasy feeling in the air. “It’s my ex and yeah I am straight” Yerim seems really unsure of herself and Yeojin isn’t sure what to say. The waitress saves the day as she brings Yeojin the check and Yerim grabs it out of her hands and tells her to let her pay. Yeojin seems off for the rest of the night and nods as Yerim pays and tips the waitress. The two leave the diner and on the way home Yeojin plays music to try and stop any conversations from happening and decides to turn up Love Galore from SZA. The song blasts as the two girls are silent suddenly Yeojin stops at a red light as the girl both try to glance at other each other subtly. But end up making eye contact as SZA sings out  
“Call me looking for ya  
Got me looking forward to weekends  
with you baby” 

The girls are caught staring in each other’s eyes when a loud horn starts to blast and Yeojin quickly breaks the eye contact and speeds up. They arrive at yerims apartment and yeojin decides to break the silence. “Thanks for hanging out with me tonight it was fun. I’ll see you on Monday in class then, be safe Yerim” Yerim nods and replies with a soft “thank you” and as soon as she closes the door she feels an ache in her heart realizing that Yeojin didn’t call her sunshine and hoping she didn’t make a mistake tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like it? How about the part where Yerim aches to grab yeojins hand. Like that yearning I had that yearning before and god it aches your body and heart and it’s awful. Anyways Yerim is straight f in the chat please


	4. Important update!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, it's been a long time since I wrote and after months of thinking. I decided to not write any more of this story. I've been having a really hard time, and I just can't get into kpop as I used to. I have too many bad memories around it hehe. I am fine :0 hehe anyway I don't know where to continue this and decided to leave it alone. But I'll keep it around if I ever wondered what to do with it. However, I will be writing for Young justice if any of you like that and She-ra as well (more as well! bc I like superheroes and stuff like that). If you want to support me and my writing! :)) I would appreciate it greatly! Also, I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift especially her latest albums folklore and Evermore I cry to these albums! Tolerate it, Champagne problems, and 'tis the damn season keeps me up at night. hehe sorry for the Taylor rant so expect to see these albums in my writing! Please stick around and support my work! :)) Thank you all so much it means a lot to me :) Stay safe and inside!! :))

Because I dropped your hand while dancing  
Left you out there standing  
Crestfallen on the landing  
Champagne problems  
Your mom's ring in your pocket  
My picture in your wallet  
Your heart was glass, I dropped it  
Champagne problems  
-CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS BY TAYLOR SWIFT LISTEN TO IT PPL!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading leave your comments and kudos it will be greatly appreciated and help me learn what you all want more of!!!!


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